The return of the Dane....they knew that he'd be back

Growing up I never felt much like a Dane. I am not actually sure what I felt like, but I was never sure if I could identify with the other pale people from the flatlands of Denmark. In school I would always write essays on places like Australia and the US. My dream was to be become a sheep rancher. I like animals, but mostly on TV and I don't like your dog, so why I thought I would ride a horse and wrestle sheep for a living, I don't know? My parents wanted me to become a State church pastor and apparently I seemed pious enough for that position, but I told them no, no and more no. I would be a missionary in India instead and definitely not something as dusty as a pastor. I have not made it to India yet either. I am back in Denmark, I have actually moved here on my own free will. I did leave for a while(10 years+) but now I am back. I look just as pale as the other Danes or maybe a lighter shade of pale, but non the less white. I don't have problems speaking Danish and I can pronounce all the great words that my dear wife struggles with.....rødbede, fløde and many more. The tricky part is when you don't know how to do something really benign that everybody else (Danes) know how to do. Your ears turn a different shade of purple when you are guided through the use of a credit card machine at the check out. The cashier looks at you with compassion and helps you with the "chip" card. It takes me back to Houston, TX when I first entered a KFC with my very Danish roommate. We had zero clue as how to order a bucket of fried chicken with equally fried something, something....."Yawl not frum hair?" If I sounded like that, the Danish people would understand that I am not from here, but they know from my perfect accent that I am from just here, right here in this town, they can tell. I can't park my car either, it is really sad and I have to park the same place everyday. By now somebody must have observed the fact that my French car does not parallel park, we just don't do that we're I come from. Nor do we drive weird cars with hydraulic suspension that is not for impressing other gangsters.
Larry the Dane